Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Greatest Man I ever knew

The day before his accident
                                                                     My Hero
I've been thinking about my Daddy a lot lately. Not that I don't usually, but I really miss him. I miss the man that I grew up with as my "hero".

When I try to think back about the first memories I have with my Daddy they start when I lived in Alabama, and all I remember there is he was in Korea and he sent my sisters and I a korean doll and each a blue winter coat with our names on the back.

But, when I REALLY think back, I always seem to remember the same things. I remember in Virginia how he used to let me stand on top on his feet while he walked and it was like we were dancing. I remember my sisters and I would go out to the playground and wait for his troop to jog by singing their chants and we would yell and he would give us all a wave. I remember him taking us to the swimming hole. I remember when he let go the first time I learned how to ride a bike. I remember when we went fishing that day and I caught all those fish and for the life of me TO THIS DAY I still think "I" was the one that caught them. Also, he still has that fishing pole hanging up in his garage and every time I used to come over he would tell anyone who would listen that that was my fishing pole and tell about how I caught all those fish. I know one day I will have that fishing pole and Emma can use it with her daddy. My
Daddy always had a way of making us all feel very special.

I even remember sitting in the floor with him the first time I tied my shoe right.
I also remember in the mornings he would always stand outside and get some fresh air before work, and he didn't know it but i would sit in that window and just stare at him. Then when he would start back on his way in I would lay back down and pretend i was still asleep. I truly did think he was the greatest man alive.

I have a lot of fond memories of my Daddy, and also a few very sad ones. For a little girl who loved her Daddy so much, I remember the day Mom and Daddy told us they were getting a divorce, and how I had to call my friend Yolanda and tell her we were moving. Daddy gave us each a long black and white military picture of him all decked out. I remember looking out the window when we drove away, being SO sad. We stopped at a McDonalds on the way to Georgia and I brought my picture in with me, and left it. I cried so hard that Nanna & Grandaddy finally turned around, and I'm sure we didn't go to the same McDonalds, but they couldn't find the picture.
I remember living in Georgia and My Daddy taking us to the park to tell us he was moving to Germany for 6 years. Devastated.
I know this, I kept everything my Daddy ever sent me from over there, and when our house burned down in the 7th grade, the things I were most sad about were the things Daddy had given me. I guess it's true that little girls think their Daddy is the best man on earth, and I love to see Emma so happy when her Daddy gets home, and when she's in his arms. It's so sweet to me.
After our house burned down and I lost all my stuffed animals, I remember Daddy bringing me a teddy bear that he said was my favorite when I was little, and that when we moved away I gave it to him to sleep with.

I remember that time I way laying in the floor with a dime in my mouth and he TOLD me I was going to swallow it, and I did. haha
I love that man with all my heart.
I remember Daddy smoking while we were in the car(he quit a long time ago) and he put his cigarette out in the ash tray and closed it and I saw the fire and thought it would catch the car on fire.
I remember when we had thunderstorms he always liked to stand on the porch and watch them, and one time in particular it was lightening bad, and I was crying for him to come in because I thought since his watch was metal he would get electrocuted.
I remember when we would go stay 6 weeks with him in the summer how about 3 days before we had to go back home I would always get this pit in my stomach and was on the verge of tears those last few days because I knew I would miss him SO much.
Daddy was always so much fun. We always did the funnest things with Daddy, or maybe they just seemed like the funnest things because..well, he was MY DADDY.
I remember going to Galvaston Island in 1989 and he helped me make a shell necklace, which of course I still have.
There are so many memories of my Daddy and it makes me sad sometimes to think about them, and to think about how the greatest man that ever lived, is in the condition he is in now.
I wish there had been a way to stop the accident, or was a way to help his brain heal. Maybe one day he will get better, we all try to stay hopefull. But he is just not "Daddy" anymore. I mean..he IS, but you know what I mean. It's hard to have to go see your Dad who you never even stopped calling so endearingly "Daddy" like you normally do when you grow up, and he has a brain injury and he constantly calls you Lamar, or Brenda, or Tracy. He just doesn't know what he's doing anymore. He tries to hit us, and he is very violent. I was scared to bring Emma to meet my Daddy because I was afraid he would "have an episode" and hurt her. Of course he wouldn't even know he was doing it if he did.
I often wonder about my prayers all those years growing up that my Daddy would be saved. Now can he ever be saved? It would take nothing short of a miracle for him to even understand GOD anymore. Now what?
Can heaven really be heaven without your Daddy there?
My Daddy was supposed to walk me down the aisle when I got married. Just a little more than a month before the wedding, he was telling me how he was losing weight to fit in his tux. Daddy couldn't do it.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm very greatful for my step-Dad, and had thought many times about maybe having BOTH of them walk me down the aisle, but my Daddy never got to walk my other 2 sisters down the aisle, so I wanted him to be able to do it. He still doesn't know he missed my wedding. I think most of the time he knows I'm married, but that part of it more than likely just wouldn't register.
SO, when you see a little girl and her Daddy, as I do every day with Emma and Matt. Say a little prayer for them, that they can grow up to have a great relationship like me and my Daddy. I miss him so much. I still pray every day for his salvation, and I pray that his brain will be healed so that one day he can be MY DADDY again.
Maybe one day!
Thanks for reading!

Daddy playing the guitar with my Sister Debbie
                                      He was a helicopter mechanic Chief Warrant Officer in the Army

                                                           My sweet Daddy as a baby boy

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